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I Love You

I notice occasions when I don’t want to say those three little words - I Love you - despite all that I teach and coach around.

Someone may say it in a comment, ‘I love you, Phil!’ and I have some reluctance to respond in the same way, instead opting for some other safer version:
‘Love you too, brother’ just so you’re sure this is a brotherly love thing…
‘Loving you’ which some suggest is more accurate to what we ‘do’ but for me still doesn’t feel as intimate as the simple ILY.
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The Story of the Star that is You

When I’m coaching someone, I always want to allow myself to be connected to them, which means really listening to the story they have of themselves.

And at the same time, in service to my client, I do not want to either succumb to or add to that story.

At first this might seem to present a fascinating dichotomy; how can I truly connect with the story but not succumb to it?
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We All Do It

On my regular walk around Tsilivi I often sneak into this one hotel (sneak, as in walk in, head held high as if I own the place😀) to, ummm, well, do what one needs to do.

I’ve only actually stayed at this hotel once, way back in 2001 on my first ever trip here. And almost every time I’m about to walk in, I imagine a challenging conversation, someone asking me if I'm a guest, and me explaining that I have been, once upon a time. And of course, no one bats an eyelid…
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You Are a Banana

🍌 You Are a Banana. Don’t You Feel Better Now? 🍌

It’s a subtle yet prolific hypnosis. When you see this you’ll feel that.
When you understand how life works, you’ll feel more peace.
When you see we are all one, you’ll no longer be desperate to defend or secure.
When you love yourself, you’ll experience a more loving life. (Took me a while to see past this one!)
When you look in this direction, be it within or towards some other idea, you’ll FEEL something, basically more nice stuff…
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My Promise

“I promise to only speak to the person I see. That might not be the person you think I should see.”

I share this promise the first time I have a conversation with someone. It’s often not until much later that they really get what I mean.
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Being at One

💫 None of us can ever be free of the limitations of our consciousness unless we’re able to, and indeed willing, to go beyond all concepts. 💫

Rather than embracing even our most loving and spiritual beliefs…
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Stories

🍰 Life is all about stories. 🍰
(and cake...)

The ones we tell ourselves about our past or future, the stories we tell ourselves about what is going on right now, stories about people, events, limitations and possibilities, everything!
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What Do You Do?

What do you do?’

Anyone who’s ever been in a room with people they’ve not previously met has almost certainly been asked this question. If you’re at a networking event, this question often seems to have more significance than your name.
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The Moment Sucks

😬😷 ‘I know I should live in the moment but the moment fucking sucks!’ 😬😷

One of my most favourite things a client has ever said. (And also said with a lovely soft Australian accent…)

And there’s something in this. Sometimes the present moment does suck!
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Together We Rise

A.k.a. - Don’t dis my accountability…

I don’t know about you, but I pretty much ALWAYS do what I say I’m going to do…

...if it has an impact on someone else.

Even if that impact is the simple act of telling someone I’m going to do it. Like all of us, I have many ideas about myself, and one of my favourite ones is my integrity - when I say I will do something, I damn well do it!
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We Need No Understanding

✌️We need no understanding to feel peace.✌️

Equally, we need no understanding to feel love.

Every day we see people proliferating ideas about what brings peace. The suggestions are often very subtle - some version of ‘once you see this you’ll feel that.’
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Prosperity, Focus & Energy

When I reflect on my 13 years as a professional coach, even during those first years when it was a sideline to running my own freelance consultancy business, the times that have been most prosperous have been those when I have focused on others and put my energy into being of service, rather than digging around up my own arse for deeper spiritual understandings and a magic bullet. (Let me save you the trouble and proctology - there is no magic bullet up there!)
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Doing Something Useful

“Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration, the rest of us just get up and go to work.” ~Stephen King

Whatever spiritual understanding I’ve explored, I’ve noticed there is much less a relationship between creating results and any understanding of this week’s spiritual idea, than there is in simply taking action, connecting with people, and having conversations…
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What Would Love Do?

It (almost) always amuses me when a friend reflects aspects of my own work back at me.

There I am, all caught up in a story of betrayal, occasionally stepping out of it to watch it unfold, and this is said:
‘Oh, you are still angry, aren’t you? What would love do?’…
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What Do You Want?

What do you want?
‘I don’t know.’

I’ve asked this question a thousand times and heard that answer almost as many.

In most cases ‘I don’t know’ is simply code for ‘I know what I want but I don’t believe I can have it.’ Or the alternative - ‘I feel too much shame, embarrassment, a lack of self worth, some other derogatory feeling about myself to admit and own what I want.’
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The Subtle Trap of Ideas

“Oh I know, Phil, I know… “
He spoke with such beautiful empathy, a love and compassion so full it left no room for doubt. He did know, and on hearing his next few words, every possibility, including the end of my suffering, tore open for me…
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There's a Lie in All BeLIEfs

I caught myself believing England can win the World Cup…

I started my exploration of personal development and study of human behaviour twenty years ago, in 1998, and came across the understanding described by Syd Banks as The Three Principles in 2003 (although the label of 3Ps came later.) Looking back, since then I can see how I have entertained various beliefs, many of which have totally contradicted each other.
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It's Not Necessary to Become a Coach

And you don’t need to do anything with your understanding.

In March this year I visited someone who helped me deal with a problem I had in my head. I’d had it for months, maybe it had been festering there for years and I only recently became aware of it…
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A Spiritual Hoodwink

‘Once you discover who you are, you’re home.’
‘Just keeping looking in this direction and you’ll discover your true self.’

There are so many spiritual ideas and concepts around that help distract us from the experience of being human. Yet those distractions, as compelling as they seem, can imprison us in a pseudo-spiritual search for a freedom in which we already live.
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Who Why Bananas

‘Instead of asking why, find your who.’

‘Instead of asking who am I, find your why.’

Both of these statements are seen around coaching circles, and both simply suggest you shift focus from one concept to another.
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Things Work Out

Whatever you have going on in your life right now, if you are suffering or feeling heartbroken, I send you love…
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Move

‘Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too…
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The Distraction of Comparison

…and the ‘Amazing’ that has me love this work.

“He’s out there making a million dollars or more, and I’m struggling to make a living for my family.”

We’re all familiar with the clichés about comparison:
‘Comparison is the thief of all joy.’…
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Preparing to be Unprepared

“How much preparation do you do before coaching calls?”
I was asked a version of this question by a client this morning, and have seen it asked and commented on around these parts…
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Slowing Down to Peace and Love

On my way home from St. Patrick Day celebrations on Saturday evening, walking down a small alleyway, I came across a man shouting and finger pointing very aggressively at a woman, almost pinning her against the wall…
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The Dance of Thoughts

"May I please just have permission to leave?…

The dance of random, neutral thoughts passing through the mind of a human being. Sometimes feeling consumed by the dance, other times just watching it. Sometimes swimming in the river, other times watching the stream.
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My Selfish Nobility

Coaching, for me, the way I see it, is to help you explore and discover, not what is true for me or indeed my version of God, but what is true for you, and who God is for you. As a coach I’ll help you create whatever you want to create in the world.
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Reflecting on Denying Me

For many years I dared not even look deeply into what I wanted, in my relationships or my vocation. I settled for what I thought was possible and allowed my inner desires for freedom, love, exploration, creation, affection and kindness, to be quelled by those illusionary edges of ‘this is as good as it gets.’…
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Travelling to Me

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to travel the world. That desire has often taken a back-seat, hidden beneath commitments of bringing up a family and illusionary edges to what I’ve believed is possible. But the mystery and adventure of it remains compelling, drawing me into lands and experiences not yet even dreamed.
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Curiosity or Fear

Curiosity is an expression of love that can open up any number of possibilities and opportunities…
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Do I Believe My Beliefs?

Do I believe the world to be kind or unkind?
Do I believe people to be good or bad?
Do I believe people are liars or honest?
Do I believe there is no purpose to life, or that there is something deeper?

Do I believe my beliefs?
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The Happy Tool of Money

‘Dear God, I hear that fame and fortune won’t bring me happiness, but please let me find out for myself.’
We see it all around us - the belief proliferated that more of something, often money, will bring a particular feeling, often happiness.
But that’s not how life really works…
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