"May I please just have permission to leave?
I mean… this mostly sucks and the only reason I seem to stay is to prevent loved ones from suffering loss. That's one hell of a sacrifice. I could be home by now, in infinite peace. Yet, I'm supposed to stay because my going would hurt others? Ironic, in a way, since one thing I've learnt is that any sacrifice is an attempt to separate ourselves from love. Well, listen… I want to return to love, from whence we came, sooner rather than later, instead of enduring this daily grind of supposed illusionary individuality.
This life is just too painful, meaningless, alone. May I leave now? Just go home. Return to source by my own choosing.
Really, the only thing keeping me here seems to be to prevent others from suffering. I'm not afraid to go. The more I understand it, it's where we're meant to be, where we'll all end up anyways, and what does it matter if infinity starts a few years early for me?"
* * * * * *
"That ant is amazing. Grappling with that crumb. See how it's actually bigger than him. Is he actually going to be able to carry it? What a miracle he is. And that glint of sun that splits into rainbow colours through the edge of that glass. Isn't sunshine on raindrops beautiful?
Looking at the globe in the corner of the room, there's so many countries I want to explore. I have so many lovely friends in the U.S. Aren't airplanes amazing? I've flown over two hundred times, but it feels like I'm overdue a flight somewhere. Maybe get that Zakynthos flight booked sooner rather than later…
Remembering her smile. So slight, a smile with knowing. I hope this memory lasts forever, and is joined by many more.
I'd happily watch and listen all day...
Sitting here, just observing life, there is so much in it. So much to explore. So much going on we never seem to even notice.
Do you have any idea how many unread books are on my kindle?
Oh, the ant has left the crumb.
So much here I want to see, touch, feel. So much life still to live.
What a beautiful life."
* * * * * *
The dance of random, neutral thoughts passing through the mind of a human being. Sometimes feeling consumed by the dance, other times just watching it. Sometimes swimming in the river, other times watching the stream. Noticing the constant flow and changes as thoughts pass freely. Occasionally one shows up that seems to have some significance. Other times the idea of significance reveals itself as a thought too.
Neither of these trains of thoughts have any inherent meaning. Sometimes it feels like they do, as another layer of thinking about them arrives. And as meaning is also seen as being made of the same stuff, being made of thought, it too seems to dissolve and pass.
Horror movies, then gentle meadows of bouncy rabbits and rainbows, and everything else imagined in between. Meaningless, even with perceived meaning.
Seeing this, knowing all these thoughts pass through, uninhibited if we let them, noticing them rather than giving credence to them, simply noticing them, we are free.
Love always.